Dale Carnegie’s Quest for Happiness

Michael Laitman
4 min readJul 25, 2023

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Dale Carnegie was an American psychologist, speaker, and author. He made a significant impact on countless lives through his inspirational teachings and best-selling books. A staple in the realm of self-help literature, Carnegie’s most well-known book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, has sold millions of copies worldwide and continues to be a go-to resource for improving interpersonal communication skills. Carnegie’s lectures and seminars drew large crowds eager to gain insights into personal growth and better communication skills.

Despite his teachings emphasizing the importance of social connections and the value of maintaining strong relationships, he found himself lacking the support system he had advocated for throughout his career.

Significantly, it turned out that America’s foremost promoter of unwavering optimism and enthusiasm experienced a period of depression and loneliness toward the end of his life. After he was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer, Dale Carnegie was overwhelmed by feelings of sadness and isolation. These feelings were compounded by the absence of close friendships during this challenging period. Despite his teachings emphasizing the importance of social connections and the value of maintaining strong relationships, he found himself lacking the support system he had advocated for throughout his career.

The irony of his situation is hard to ignore. While Carnegie offered guidance and inspiration to millions, his books and lectures did not grant him immunity from the struggles of loneliness and unhappiness. It goes to show the limits that such teachings, which are based on psychology, can reach. While Carnegie was correct in highlighting the importance of meaningful relationships and strong social networks, we need more than psychology to achieve true connection and happiness.

While Carnegie offered guidance and inspiration to millions, his books and lectures did not grant him immunity from the struggles of loneliness and unhappiness. It goes to show the limits that such teachings, which are based on psychology, can reach. While Carnegie was correct in highlighting the importance of meaningful relationships and strong social networks, we need more than psychology to achieve true connection and happiness.

After all, we are born egoists, desiring to enjoy for self-benefit alone, and psychology measures everything solely within the framework of our egoistic nature. That is why despite employing the best psychological tricks, we can be left alone and lonely when we need others the most. Likewise, we can easily turn away from others when we no longer benefit from them.

As we age, our egoistic powers gradually weaken and dissolve. When we lose all desires, the body dies. The exact circumstances of Dale Carnegie’s death remain uncertain. An official statement from Dale Carnegie & Associates stated that he died of Hodgkin’s lymphoma, but it is widely rumored that he committed suicide. Later, Irving Tressler wrote How to Lose Friends and Alienate People as an unauthorized parody of the classic Carnegie book, and he committed suicide. Like so many others, they both left the world disappointed and alone.

We all die alone. Before death, people feel completely torn and detached from others. Carnegie’s knowledge and expertise were insufficient to help him. Developing sustainable connections requires drawing the positive force that dwells in nature, which comes through the understanding sourced in the wisdom of Kabbalah.

We all die alone. Before death, people feel completely torn and detached from others. Carnegie’s knowledge and expertise were insufficient to help him. Developing sustainable connections requires drawing the positive force that dwells in nature, which comes through the understanding sourced in the wisdom of Kabbalah.

People who study Kabbalah can become linked with creation, the souls (present, past, and future), above time, and beyond the matters of this world. Even the death of the physical body does not interrupt such a connection. Kabbalah lets us develop a soul and relate to others in a very close and positive manner — as to parts of our own soul. Such closeness takes place by ascending the spiritual ladder, thereby elevating us to a state of connection and absolute happiness.

If one fails to achieve such a state in the current lifetime, the body dies, and we leave this world just as we entered it–with nothing. The desire to enjoy once again dresses into other corporeal bodies, and such reincarnations continue until we reach our ultimate purpose.

Kabbalists feel no death. The soul is eternal, and when we acquire connection with it, we are no longer bound by space and time. We then see life in this world as a means to an infinitely better reality, which is currently hidden from us. We can feel it only when we acquire the positive force of bestowal and love that dwells in nature. We then see how the force of bestowal and love fills everything, and everyone is included in it. We can then break out from the lonely cages of our individual egos that keep us separated and alone despite our efforts to “win friends and influence people.”

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Michael Laitman
Michael Laitman

Written by Michael Laitman

PhD in Philosophy and Kabbalah. MSc in Medical Bio-Cybernetics. Founder and president of Bnei Baruch Kabbalah Education & Research Institute.

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