What Are the Benefits of Having a Mentor or Stand-In Parental Figure for Children Growing Up in Single-Parent Families?

In Japan, a remarkable case illustrates the lengths to which people will go to provide children with a sense of security and emotional support. A young girl, growing up in a single-parent family, faced bullying at school because she had no father. Her mother, deeply concerned and unable to find help from the teachers, sought the services of a “rent-a-hero” agency. She chose a kind, positive, and caring man who fully embraced the role of a father. For ten years, he played this part, attending movies, parks, walks, and parent-teacher meetings with the girl. Over time, the once shy and withdrawn girl blossomed into a confident and happy individual.

This story highlights the importance of creating a supportive environment for a child and, equally, the emotional significance such relationships can hold for the mother. Interestingly, these relationships can sometimes be even deeper and more meaningful than natural family bonds. When something or someone is perceived as “yours,” complacency can set in, and people can then neglect the opportunity to truly connect. In contrast, the deliberate nurturing of a relationship like the one described creates a closeness that is not only genuine but actively cultivated.

In cases like this, an intriguing bond develops between the participants — not one of intimacy, but one of internal support and mutual collaboration. The “fake father” in this story played a major emotional role, telling the girl he loved her and fully engaging with her life. While he might have recognized the internal conflict of this arrangement, the emotional involvement ultimately developed the girl’s confidence.

But is it ethical to “lie” to a child in this way? We can see the answer in the results. As the “father” reflected, while there is some fear of how the girl might react upon learning the truth, the overwhelming likelihood is that she will be grateful for the care and attention she received. However, it is essential that the man continues to support her until she has someone else — a husband, for instance — who can take on that role in her life. He cannot simply abandon her, as he fulfills the roles of father, guide, and emotional anchor during a formative period.

This trend of hiring “fathers” and even elderly mentors reflects a social need for guidance and wisdom that modern families and institutions increasingly fail to provide. I fully support the idea of bringing experienced individuals into the lives of young people to impart life lessons and guidance. Society lacks a comprehensive system for teaching children how to navigate life, leaving a gap in the transmission of values, experience, and correct social behavior. Modern children lack reliable sources of wisdom — neither television, computers, nor schools adequately fill this role.

To raise people who end up becoming happy individuals, society needs a clear and consistent educational program led by capable teachers, mentors, and educators. When family, community, peer groups, and media work together harmoniously, people can grow into well-rounded individuals. The values instilled should focus on proper behavior within the collective, teaching people how to live harmoniously as part of a group. This includes understanding the importance of each individual’s role within the “human pack,” thereby strengthening the sense of mutual support and responsibility within such settings.

Interestingly, we can look to wolves for inspiration. Wolves live exceptionally well in their packs, with a clear hierarchy and a strong sense of responsibility toward one another. Humans can learn from this model: to live as a “pack” where each member understands their value and contributes to the well-being of the whole. You could say that to be a human, “Be a wolf.” Wolves exhibit an admirable dynamic — parents lead, children follow, and everyone cares for one another, creating a society that thrives through mutual support.