What Should You Not Say to a Child When They Make a Mistake?

When a child makes a mistake, many parents immediately start to lecture them harshly: “You are useless! You are worthless! Where was your head? How are you even going to live like this?” And the child sits there, dejected, absorbing every word.

This is a big problem. When parents rudely point out a child’s failures and label them as incapable, they strip them of their sense of confidence, safety, and inner potential, and it is absolutely critical to preserve these feelings in a child.

Unfortunately, many of us make this mistake. We pressure the child, comparing them to others, demanding: “Why can’t you be like that? Why can’t you do that?” In doing so, we create a insecure person, one who will carry this wound for the rest of their life. They will never fully escape it.

How should we behave instead? When a child does something wrong, we need to address the action, not the child themselves. We should say to them, “You did this incorrectly. Perhaps you didn’t know how to do it better. Let’s look together at how it can be done differently.” In such a way, the child learns from their experience, and most importantly, they retain their confidence.

The main principle is to never touch the child’s inner self. Correct the action, not the person.

Today, we see a world filled with people who wander aimlessly, lacking inner confidence. They were “assassinated” by their own parents’ words and attitudes during childhood. In an effort to defend themselves, to feel even slightly above others, they create problems everywhere they go. They do not know what else to do in order to feel normal and alive.

When we look closely at those who cause the most harm, those who kill, torture, and lead others into destruction, we will find the same story. By looking into their childhood, we see how they were damaged in exactly this way.

We thus need to be very careful. A child’s inner world is delicate. Either we nurture it or we destroy it for life.