Why Do So Many Married People Today Have Lovers on the Side?

Michael Laitman
3 min readJul 16, 2023

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Due to the growth of the human ego, today we live quite a long time.

In the past, people lived 30 to 40 years, and even earlier, people died at the ages of 20 to 25. Our life span has gradually increased to a point where it is common to live to around 90 years of age today.

We thus find ourselves dealing with the problem of whether we can psychologically withstand such longevity. For instance, some studies claim that increases in cancer are due to our longer lives, that if we lived 20 years less, we would not develop various tumors; and if we lived even another 20 years less, then maybe these tumors would not emerge at all.

Longer lives are one outcome of the human ego growing to overblown proportions. Another phenomenon of our massive egos today is that we simply cannot be satisfied with the variety of pleasures that surround us — and sex is life’s biggest and most accessible pleasure.

Therefore, people’s longer lives today are one of the reasons for an increase in divorces, and people find that they cannot live together for so many years.

Longer lives are one outcome of the human ego growing to overblown proportions. Another phenomenon of our massive egos today is that we simply cannot be satisfied with the variety of pleasures that surround us — and sex is life’s biggest and most accessible pleasure.

It thus turns out that people increasingly justify their infidelity, so much so that it ceases to even be called “infidelity” because of how ordinary it has become.

I think that in the coming years there will be no families left that live their entire lives in a single marriage. We live in an era where we have fashioned sex, alcohol, drugs and sports to cover our dissatisfaction, a feeling of hopelessness and a lack of confidence that we generally feel. Humanity turns to these means as a way to blow off steam, as a certain shake-up that the modern person needs.

We live in an era where we have fashioned sex, alcohol, drugs and sports to cover our dissatisfaction, a feeling of hopelessness and a lack of confidence that we generally feel. Humanity turns to these means as a way to blow off steam, as a certain shake-up that the modern person needs.

Therefore, in no case can I criticize anyone. I understand its necessity in today’s world.

This phenomenon can change according to a change in our attitude toward the world and toward life. Moreover, such a change does not need to be carried out even in a person, but in our environment, i.e., our social, cultural and educational influences. If the values in our society change and become softer, with more support and encouragement of positive mutual connection, we will then become fueled with a new sensation of confidence and security. In other words, the more we feel our lives become filled with satisfaction, hope and confidence, the less we will be attracted to the many problematic games and their relaxation in the form of sex. Our lives will then become calmer and more balanced.

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Michael Laitman

PhD in Philosophy and Kabbalah. MSc in Medical Bio-Cybernetics. Founder and president of Bnei Baruch Kabbalah Education & Research Institute.